I like what you say. If you were to write a book about your spontaneous agreements, I would read it. I realize that this was written a few years ago. and I must still be offended by some of the author`s misunderstandings about the wisdom of the ”Four Agreements”. Note that the beginning of the book on domestication and dreaming is an important foreword to understanding the power of new chords. If we have made relationship agreements (regardless of the relationship), this sharing is for informational purposes in the name of intimacy and not a complaint or a request to fix something to protect me from the emotional reactions I create myself. IMPRESSIVE. It is a vulnerable intimacy and can go anywhere (no attachment to the result). Where it will GO is towards more truth, especially if the person who hears this sharing can enter YOUR emotional body and understand what is happening in response to the sharing, and then be able to share YOUR emotional truth at that time. Agreeing with ourselves, not taking things personally (#2) gives us the opportunity to look inward and find and change the old agreements and beliefs – mostly lies from our childhood domestication – that captivate us emotionally and make us react. The author of the article accurately describes people`s ”dream” of distorting what people say or do. It is a powerful gift of Toltec wisdom.
I also found it strange to judge a book by the behavior of a person who claims to have read it and by the elderly people who are the ancestors of the author of the book. For this reason, I did not respond to Cccc`s comment. If the commentator had explained why he believes the four agreements cause people to behave recklessly and selfishly, I might have gotten an answer. As it stands, I maintain the idea that – Toltec or not – these principles are a healthy lifestyle and in line with the best practices supported by modern psychology: although agreements are sometimes oversimplified, this is still a great little book with some heavy ideas. Focusing on one of these agreements can greatly improve your life and reduce stress. Focusing on all four can really change many people`s lives. If followed in a general and non-fanatical way, these suggestions can help you reduce a large amount of stress by helping you avoid thought and behavior patterns that cause frustration, blame, hurt feelings, and other negative emotions. How do we know the correct interpretation of Ruiz`s reference to John 1:1-5? We could break one of his four agreements and guess his intention. Or, if you are really interested in the truth, you can ask him.
We have to break a lot of old chords and change a lot of domesticated beliefs to really keep a space for someone`s hurt or anger against us without judging, withdrawing, defending, accusing, intellectualizing, you share their dream. Ruiz says a smokescreen distorts our perception of who we are: ”It`s like living in the middle of a fog that doesn`t allow us to see beyond our own nose.” This fog, he explains, is formed by unverified agreements we have made with ourselves and others – beliefs about who we are and who we should be, and masks we have put on to hide our perceived imperfections. What seduced me about the book is what happens when you spoil these agreements. Ruiz warns that there will be days when you spoil it no matter what you do. If you do, you do it, you try again. One of the most important wisdom teachings of the Toltec tradition is that we all dream – dream of a unique vision and experience of the universe. It`s at the beginning of the ”Four Chords” and in my experience, a lot of people slip through that part and go to the chords. Thank you, Allan, for sharing your wisdom. I am honored that someone in your format takes the time to read my message and clarify the meaning of the agreements.
One downside of the book is that some of the chords are too extreme, and if you take them literally, they can cause additional problems in your life if taken without a proverbial grain of salt. However, with a little balance and a sense of openness, these chords can each be transformative and relieve stress. Here is a statement on each of the four agreements. If your beliefs create deep happiness in you, then I say: Keep them. When they cause excitement, when the beliefs of others are different, the awareness of them can give you the choice of what you believe and what you let go. So many of our beliefs, concepts, chords were instilled in us as ”truth” when we were young, and we accepted them literally and completely. The beginning of the Four Accords is about how we were domesticated by our caregivers in a ”dream” of life. The only dream they could give us was the one they were living, which they mainly got from THEIR parents, etc. It`s refreshing to have someone who shares intimacy with a spouse. My daughter was shot dead in 2006, her husband being the only witness.
Even with physical abuse documented by law enforcement in the years leading up to the shooting, he was not charged with murder, to add insult to injury, the shooting case was tried by a criminal court. After years of suffering about it, I tried to heal myself, I gained strength thanks to the 4 chords and when the subject of the event was brought into conversation by a new friend, the feeling returned. I stumbled upon it when I googled the criticism of the four chords to make sure I wasn`t alone with my feelings. I think you explain very well why this particular agreement can be potentially dangerous. I would like to add something to that idea. My father and mother-in-law often used chords to manipulate me. They certainly take things personally, but when I react to something offensive, they told me, so I get a ”Don`t take it personally.” I am proof that these agreements can be really harmful in the hands of the wrong people – especially when used against a child. To be honest, I don`t understand why the question is hurtful.
An event as tragic as the murder of a loved one would probably consume anyone. The fact that you are forced to write a book about it means that your sister`s death is a trauma that you are still going through in your heart and mind. This is normal. That is a very legitimate question to ask; Will there ever be a day when you will be able to separate the loss of your sister from the lens through which you look at the world? Essentially, the question is whether you will ever heal. It seems to me that you have made an assumption as to your intention. She explained that the question was asked with love, but your answer shows that you accepted something else. It is important to remember that when you post your words, they will be received, evaluated and criticized by others. Just because you`ve experienced a terrible event doesn`t mean very few people have to endure that you have the right to be treated a certain way or to be above criticism. Imagine someone writing a blog about surviving rape and you respond by asking them if they would ever recover. Just because you may not have endured this doesn`t mean you`re not qualified or entitled to ask a question.
I am sorry, but you have broken other agreements. Reacting like any other person to a ”dagger in the heart” violates the first agreement. The assumption that their intention violates the second. There are no safe areas when you post and share your words. It`s not reasonable to write a blog and a memoir for others to read, and then get offended when you get an answer other than pity. If you want this safe space to stay safe, why would you display it for the world? According to Ruiz, we need four special agreements that we need to make with ourselves before we can begin to see a change in our lives. As for perfection, this word certainly has the connotation of perfectionism, and if you take it that way, you would indeed be driving yourself crazy. (By the way, perfection and other chords are agreements you make with yourself, not demands that ruiz makes of you.) On the other hand, if you set a goal to be impeccable with your word and strive to be as honest and kind as possible with your words, without waiting for perfection from yourself or fighting if you fail, this agreement with yourself could increase your well-being.